Anonymous
Unknown · 443 words
Fear, panic, and sadness. Those are what I felt three consecutive years in a row. I feared change, and it held me back each time I started at a new school. For me, change meant unknown environments and the unexpected. I was unable to see anything but the negative aspects of a new situation.
For three years in a row, I attended different elementary schools. On the first days of each, the overwhelmingness of the huge changes hit me like a stack of bricks. In fourth grade, my stomach churned with the anticipation of the fear, amplifying it. By fifth grade, I thought I had adapted. Despite this, once I got to class the bricks hit once more. I could barely focus on what was going on. The teacher called on me but all I could do was choke on the words that managed to reach my mouth. Tears poured out of my eyes as I attempted to hide my distress, but to no avail. I was crumbling under the pressure of a new environment.
I criticized myself for getting upset because it seemed irrational. It was as if my brain was functioning without thought and becoming upset without external factors. This often frustrated me, but in middle school I was able to overcome this fear of change. Not only did I learn to adapt to the new environment through experience, but I also changed my perspective. I realized that change is not bad, and that it can bring on positive experiences if you are willing to look in that direction.
An example of this is the leap from middle school to high school. It was something I was dreading as soon as I finished eighth grade. Going to a larger school terrified me and all I could think about was how I reacted to the same situation in elementary school. However, by putting my fear aside, it occurred to me that the more people there were, the more possibilities to make friends. In addition, it meant the school offered a larger variety of classes compared to middle school. Overall, looking at a new situation with hope is a lesson I have continued to take with me and apply everywhere.
I have discovered it is best to focus more on the new opportunities rather than the anticipation, therefore allowing me to think more optimistically in general. By looking forward to the future and focusing on the positive, I fear it less. Currently, I imagine the future as a bridge filled with infinite possibilities. The fear of change has dissipated and is now a mere dot in my vision when an adjustment is necessary.